I woke up with a gremlin in my bed this morning. She visits me about once a month and my goodness she is a recalcitrant little creature! She is stubborn, ratty and can be incredibly mean... to me that is... with others she is on her best behaviour. She sticks around for a few days until the moon starts to flow and the high pressure system is released.
We have been talking about Non Violent Communication to bridge our volatile relating style and is does seem to be helping, quite a lot. She is less open to pleasure than any other part of me and the one who could do with it the most. I tried to share this with her, and she was NOT impressed.
So instead, I stayed with her in bed until she felt like getting up. I walked gently with her as she asked to move slowly through the day. We wrote lists to help us remember things and we trod gently when tears came to the surface. She really isn't so awful. She is really just misunderstood. In fact, I love her SO dearly! She really just needs a different kind of love. She needs me to offer her space to express it all. And space to be soft during the day. She needs cuddles and holding and space and independence. She needs love to envelope her.
And interestingly, through this walking softly, she found her way to a gentle kind of pleasure.
...The kind of pleasure that melts the heart from the inside out.
...The kind that nearly cries when she sees the face of the blind old Balinese man melt with appreciation when she greets him with respect in Bahasa
...The kind that sees the young school boy walking to school with a gentle bounce in his step and sweetness about his interaction with world
...The kind that loves all of her friends and wants for them to experience pleasure too
I had a dream last night in which a wild and grubby little girl came up to me and screamed at me and then grabbed some over sized scissors and chopped off my hair. I was furious, not about the hair... surprisingly i was really ok with that, more about her audacity! So I took off my nine inch healed fuck me boots... lol... and chased her into the dark slum alleyways. Chuckle... so much hilarity as I wake with that little girl, the gremlin in my bed.